| more human than human.. |
[Jul. 20th, 2009|08:26 pm] |
wow i haven't touched this thing in months.
all i can say is.. i'm very happy right now. incredible new boyfriend. great job. life is pretty good. |
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| s3nd n00dz |
[Feb. 9th, 2009|05:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | you can rely on the old man's money!!! | ] |
so a lot of shit has happened.
adrian and i broke up. i guess we'll just see what happens.
i love him very much. but we were just forcing things to work through this distance.
and finally realizing it's just not working may have been the best thing.
it's sad. but in the end it was the right thing to do.
if it's meant to be, one day it won't be so hard.
but work has been amazing.
they promoted me to assistant manager of the salon.
i've been working hard. in fact all i do is work.
but it's paying off.
the owner and i had a meeting last week.
he said he thinks i'm smart and good for this company.
he's putting his faith in me and says i've been impressing him.
so officially in 30 days i'm looking at a very nice pay increase (more than what i make in overtime right now which is phenomenal) and also another promotion.
in so many words the southpark salon will most likely be mine to run.
i'm so excited. take that douglas j!
my tax return is going to be fucking sweeeeeeet.
$1,392.00 cha-ching!
just in time for my trip to florida too.
well i guess i still have like 2 months but i couldn't spend almost $1400 in the course of 2 months.
i'm too careful with my money.
but i'm soooo excited to go back to jax.
april 2-7. i miss you beach!
i'm gonna have a lot of friends in town for sxsw.
so i'm looking forward to that.
i will be missing saturday's festivities..
but only because I WILL BE SEEING ELTON JOHN & BILLY JOEL LIVE IN CONCERT!
yeah that's right... i cannot fucking wait.
i will probably call everyone i know and sing to them.
and i don't fucking care cause it's my life!
bitches.
yeah overall things are going pretty good for me right now.
besides my family being crazy.
but that shit never changes.
i didn't do anything. i'm a nice man. i mind my own business. so you tell me 'that's that' before I beat the hell from you. i have so much strength in me you have no idea. i have a love in my life. it makes me stronger than anything you can imagine. i would say 'that's that', Mattress Man.
i'm into that movie.
speaking of movies i think undead might be one of the worst pieces of crap i've ever witnessed before in my life. how dare they write on the front of the dvd case anything about it being comparable to peter jackson's brain dead aka dead alive. i'm glad i bought that shit at half price books. that'll teach me to buy movies without reading reviews. i just thought with that comparison there's no way it could suck this bad. it's like are they aliens? are they zombies? how does this movie make any sense. there were a few decent parts that made me chuckle at best. but overall... worthless. that's such a bummer.
god i love zombies. |
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| how come i end up where i started.. |
[Jan. 12th, 2009|09:17 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | in bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | real love - mary j. | ] |
i think i am in need of a serious change this new year. it would seem i already made that by moving to austin, but i don't think that's remotely close to the type of change that i am in desperate need of.
i just don't think i'm very happy anymore w certain things in my life. i love my job. going to work everyday is generally something i look forward to. but working so much i rarely have a social life outside of the workplace. i really need to make more friends that i actually go do things with.
also i just put in my request off form to go to florida. so the dates will be april 3-7. in jacksonville. i'm so excited. its been too long since i've been back for a visit. i think its just something i really need to do. i miss it so much.
other ch ch ch changes.. soon to come i hope. |
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| the rain in spain falls mainly on the plane |
[Nov. 12th, 2008|10:01 am] |
as usual, i really have nothing profound to say. i am laying in bed at 8:48am listening to my crazy cat tear through the house on another energy spurt. i really hope that stops soon and he becomes the cute little lazy man sleeping on his mom's lap all the time. he's too independent for me.. but aren't they all.
i have officially become the annoyingly sad girl who's loneliness leaves her starving for attention. it sucks. i find myself becoming increasingly more embarrasing and overwhelming to others. i've dusted off all my old buried feelings for people and because at one time they used to make me happy, i'm looking to them to do it again. i can understand that i am just really annoying nowadays and its a not pretty picture. how did i get to this point. things are going so well for me here..
my life is just a shitty series of catch 22's. have the boyfriend around but everything else sucks.. OR.. have everything else be wonderful and the boyfriend is thousands of miles away.
i just keep bitching about the same things on here.. ugh.. this is why i don't update anymore.
i just wanna get back to that excitement and someone to share it with. before i drive everyone away with my nagging need to feel something from someone again.
ugh. i hate these depressing posts. |
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| someday i'll learn.. |
[Aug. 3rd, 2008|11:15 am] |
it would be nice to put myself in situations where i can't let people disappoint me.
unfortunately i never do that.
and for what feels like the millionth time, i am so let down in someone else's actions.
and even more mad at myself that every time.. i think some grand gesture of nice words and last attempts on my behalf is gonna change things.
i feel like i'll never learn..
slipknot was right... people = shit.
oh well.. that's the price you pay for giving people a chance to get close enough to hurt you.
always letting the wrong ones in.
i don't know much else to say today.
a person turned out to be a lousy friend who gave a shit one day, and didn't the next..
it's weighing heavy on my mind.
because i wanted him to care i guess.
because it felt good to hear that someone cared.
i guess i need those things right now especially, living in a town without good friends.
all i can say is i can't wait till katie is here. i think it will lift my spirits.
i am nostalgic for my floridians and homesick beyond belief. |
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| brighter than sunshine.. |
[Jul. 28th, 2008|03:03 pm] |
so far i am in love with my job.
some days i actually don't want to leave (scary, i know).
the owner of the salon offerred to take me out to lunch since we were both taking ours at the same time (he drives a tiny porsche that rocks my world).
i got to take an hour instead of 30 mins and he paid for everything (we had sushi, it was delicious).
they actually listen to things i have to say and genuinely seem interested.
they give their full trust that you'll make the right decisions in any situations so that you don't have to ask everytime you want to do something. i'm so not used to it yet.
they let me play my own fucking ipod on the salon floor!! take that douglas j and your company only ipod that everyone is sick of listening to!
its actually nice to spice up my wardrobe and show my armpits... fuck you douglas j!!
anyway, so far i am really enjoying being there.
i sure hope it doesn't change.
i forgot what it's like to like a job and i don't want that bitter me to come back again.
otherwise i am officially starting the search for an apartment here in austin and plan to be living in one no later than the 1st or 2nd week in september. katie thank you for giving me an attainable goal by needing a place to stay for ACL festival! i am so sick of living with my grandparents and so is my poor cat. i hate that he has to stay cooped up in one bedroom all day long.
there's this rad bookstore called half price books... i got 3 books for $8. one was 50 cents! its so ridiculously awesome. they buy back movies, records, books, music, etc. too. i spent a fucking hour in that store.. and to be honest i probably could've stayed in there a lot longer.
i also found some rad old books of my dad and uncle's at my grandparent's house. i'm stoked to start reading 24/7. hah. i'm a nerd. and some days i'd rather stay in bed with my cat and a good book.. even on the weekends. i guess i'm growing up.. or.. something.
i could use a good fucking drink and night of dancing soon though.
let's hope it happens.
people should come visit me. there's a lot to do here, i just don't have anyone to go with.
also i bought a ralph lauren dress for $9.99 at a thrift store!! seriously... good finds all over this city for cheap as hell. katie i am taking you shopping! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2008|02:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ours | ] |
well today is my last day of vacation.
it's storming again.
it's so nice to see rain.
such a long damn heat wave in tx right now.
this weekend was crazy busy but mostly good.
i'm gonna rant for a second cause this shit really bummed me out..
i got pulled aside from a group of friends by someone who was working the cornerstone festival and was asked to cover myself up. she said if i'm hanging out right off the main road everyone driving into the fest could see me and it was inappropriate. she said the festival requires more modest dress & i needed to put on a different shirt.
okay.. i had on a pair of jean shorts, a swimsuit top and a shirt over it that is open in the middle so that you can wear something underneath it like a swim top or tank top. i did merch pretty much all day and saw tons of girls in nothing but a swim top and shorts, no shirt covering anything. there's also a lake in the area they have the festival so people can swim cause it's ridiculously hot outside... so again, tons of people in swimsuits.
but because i wear a 34DD and not a 34AA i'm not just trying to wear clothes that keep me cool in the heat, i'm trying to wear clothes that corrupt young christian minds and am basically being a prostitute. at least that's how i got treated.
not only did she make me change my top, she stood there watching, waiting for me to do it in front of her AND all my friends. i was completely embarrassed. she made me feel like a whore for wearing what other girls were wearing, and even more than what other girls were wearing, simply because god blessed me with a large chest that looks huge no matter what top i'm wearing.
i've made my peace w the fact that my boobs are big and sometimes, people will look at them. i've gotten more comments about my chest being big in t-shirts than i have in swimsuits.
the whole thing is just wrong. here i thought i'd be surrounded by an accepting group of christian people who don't cast judgment on people because that's god's job, not theirs, and i felt more ostracized and humiliated than being in the filthiest dive bar w the unholiest of people. all the more reason why i gave up on christian faith a long time ago.
i know the difference between right and wrong because i was raised that way. and i've made conscious decisions about what beliefs are right for me and my life and which ones aren't. i'm far from perfect, but i think i've turned out to be a pretty legit human being. that's all i could ever hope for.
on that note i've got 2 job interviews waiting for me when i get back to austin.
wish me luck. i'm so ready to start work. |
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| oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh |
[May. 18th, 2008|02:06 pm] |
i just found an old ass kilo cd.
seriously.
anyone remember that?
katie, you have to remember kilo!
can i put it in her mouth
yes you can
can i put it in her mouth
yes you can
probably the grossest song about beejers, but i still remember every word.
wow. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2007|01:17 pm] |
sometimes..
your opinion doesn't really matter to other people as much as you think it does..
get over yourself.. and your shitty need to give all your opinions of everything you come in contact with throughout the course of your pathetic and sorry existence..
on that note.. everything else is going spectacular.
someone tell my boyfriend to come home from europe.
k.
thx.
bye. |
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| been a while |
[Oct. 21st, 2007|03:31 am] |
i have mustard and ketchup hair apparently.
my boyfriend is in japan = no bone on the phone. :o(
but he comes home in 4 days.
can't wait.
aside from the cat pee smell, life is good.
really happy about affording things more.
really happy about having really good roomates and not feeling so alone when adrian is gone.
really happy about cable tv and on demand.
work is good and busy.
i miss my family but otherwise things are great.
i kinda have a female and feline family now.
it's great.
www.icanhascheezburger.com
amazing.
jenn |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 4th, 2007|08:42 pm] |
anyone who reads this thing, please go support adrian's band.
the new album comes out this tuesday the 7th.
still remains new album is called the serpent.
and for once i actually like one of my boyfriend's albums. ;o)
you can pick the serpent up at best buy.
please go get it!
you'll love it!
you can also catch them on warped tour as of today.
so go see them in your area sometime in the next 3 weeks.
k.thx.bye. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 25th, 2007|11:48 pm] |
why can't money grow on trees?
honestly, i can't believe how stressed i am for finances right now.
it's so hard with adrian not having a steady income.
sometimes i don't know why i put up with the inconsistency of dating someone in a band.
i feel like i should come first.
and he should yield all other things in his life to this relationship because that's what i did.
but then i think, maybe i'm just fucking stupid for doing that.
and maybe all this is my fault.
i love him so much.
and i can't think of going a day without being here for him to come home to.
but then i think of all the friends i miss so much.
and how i only have 4 classes left till my AA is finished and i can't balance that and 40 hrs a week at this new job that i absolutely love and don't want to have to leave.
i was ragingly unhappy at my last job for 9 months.
i'm finally somewhere that i'm happy and i'm getting a promotion and a raise in august and now i'm debating having to move back home AGAIN.
for once i just want some stability.
i have so many issues with myself, and in this relationship.
i don't even know what to do anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2007|01:44 am] |
so frustrated and confused at this point.
my job is great sometimes.
but lately i've made no money.
it sucks.
adrian just got a large band paycheck and before we could blink it was gone from bills.
it was a good and bad feeling at the same time.
good to get things paid, but bad to feel like i can never hold onto money for long.
it would be nice to have like.. $1000. just to have. and not use.
but we've spent even more than that on bills bills bills.
i hate bills.
and i'm extremely confused on what i'm gonna do in 3 months.
i can't decide to stay in michigan or move back to florida.
in florida i have a scholarship i worked hard to earn.
if i stay here and try school it's all out of state tuition, no scholarship, and possible non-transferable credits.
but then here is where my heart is.
this is the happiest someone has made me.
and the thought of leaving that, well, it sucks.
but school is so important.
and i've worked so hard the past few semesters and dual enrolled in high school for it.
maybe i should take just one more year here.
focus on making money and saving.
see how his whole band thing works out and take it from there.
if they do well after this next album, he might make enough money we could move wherever i wanted to go to school and be able to afford it.
if it does horrible, then he'll have no real reason to stay here (other than mom of course) and we can move back to florida till i finish school.
it's such a gamble.
and though i haven't made close friends with hardly anyone here, and sometimes i get really depressed, it's better just having him near.
knowing even when he's away on tour he'll be coming back home to me.
it's one of the best feelings i've had in a long time.
comforting.
i've got a lot of thinking to do i suppose.
i don't even know where to begin.
decision making sucks for indecisive girls like me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2007|09:49 pm] |
so i just got back from texas this week.
as of a month ago i am now officially an aunt to this adorable girl..
scarlett caroline casillas.
she's a preemie. only 5 lbs right now. she was 2 lbs when she was born.
i'm a very proud aunt.
it was good to see my family.
i always get bummed out staying with my grandparents though because everything reminds me of my dad.
there's always a million pictures around of dad.
i just found out how he actually died.
all this time i thought it was something else.
i guess since i was only 9 when it happened no one really told me the details because i was too young to understand.
it's so crazy. they found e coli in his blood. and i guess because of the leukemia and khemotherapy his blood count was too low to fight it off.
i had no idea e coli was even involved. it really freaked me out.
things are going okay in michigan.
except not having many friends is really hard for me.
i guess i've never not had friends.
so when adrian's busy i'm at a loss of what to do.
it sucks.
i miss my mom. a lot. |
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| survey says... |
[Mar. 16th, 2007|01:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | living room. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | judge alex on tv.. | ] |
1. Is anyone mad at you?
not that i know of
2. Who's the last person you kissed?
my wonderful boyfriend
3. Who's the first person you'd call if you won the lottery?
adrian or my mother probably
4. Do you have a fishtank in your house?
no
5. What's your ring tone?
notorious BIG - big poppa
6. Do you delete people on myspace when you're mad at them?
no.. no i don't
7. What color is your pillowcase?
pink and white
8. Nearest green object to you?
a green jacket i guess
9. What color shirt are you wearing?
a black american apparel jacket
10. Who do you trust the most?
my mom or adrian probably
11. What color is your phone?
it's a sidekick.. so i guess greyish
12. What's on your tv?
candle holders and a couple pictures of adrian and i
13. Do you forgive people easily?
no.. i should work on that
14. What did you do today?
got up, ate organic mini wheats, put away laundry, pooped, and now adrian and i are making lunch
15. Last person to IM you?
geoff
16. Last person to comment you?
i think JLP
17. Who do you text the most?
adrian probably
18. Could you find an umbrella in your house if you needed one?
no cause the only umbrella i have is in my car
19. Last song you heard?
something by classic case i think
20. Want any tattoos you don't have?
i always want more tattoos
21.Are you wearing a belt?
nope
22. Do you play the lottery?
nope
23. Last text in your inbox?
"sounds good"
24. Last thing you broke?
hmmm... a glass at work the other night i think
25. Do you smoke pot?
no.. i haven't in a while.
26. Last present you received?
uhm... i got mail from JLP.. he sent me buttons.
27. Anything on you hurt?
not at the moment
28. Have you taken down your Christmas decorations?
yeah finally..
29. Quote something:
"you are what you love, not what loves you" - adaptation
30. Ever do something really awful to someone recently?
nope.. i don't really do awful things to other people
31. Last thing you ate?
a roasted potato to see if it was done.. it was.. and it was delicious.
32. Plans for tomorrow?
gojira, lamb of god, trivium, and gr33n b33r.
33. Anyone in the room with you?
adrian
34. Do you miss anyone?
my mom, katie, amanda, deon, holly.
35. Know someone that's lying to you?
not that i know of..
36. Do you have a crush on someone right now?
my boyfriend duh.
37. Gold or Silver?
gold rings.. anything else i like silver.
38. Anything you wish you were doing right now?
pooping
39. Talking to anyone right now?
nope
40. Last person you kissed?
still adrian..
41. Last thing you bought?
groceries!!
42. Who's birthday is next?
uhm.. deon and nicole's were yesterday.. my brother's is on the 25th..
43. What did you do last night?
made a run to meijer at 12:30am cause adrian and i wanted white chocolate macadamia nut cookies.
44. Next time you plan on drinking?
tomorrow i'm sure..
45. Fondest memory of your childhood?
any time spent with my dad.. i miss him.
46. What are you compulsive about?
hmm...
47. Anything you'd change that happened in the last 2 weeks?
nah, not really.
48. Who’s the last person you yelled at?
hmm... i can't recall.
49. Markers or crayons?
depends.. coloring books = crayons.. anything else is markers.
50. Where's your phone?
in the bedroom.
51. How are you doing on your new years resolutions?
i don't think i made one.
52. Describe the person you like in three words.
hot and sexy |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2007|05:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | janet jackson - control | ] |
i feel more and more lately like my life is made up of just waiting around. i wait around the house all day till i have to work. i wait for adrian to come home. i was waiting to become an aunt.. i am waiting for the weekend to get here to see geoff. i am waiting for warmer weather.. and i guess we are all just waiting to die.
i guess it's obvious now i am waiting to not feel this depressed anymore
things have really been bad lately. i need to stop letting things bother me. or giving reason for there to be bothers in my life. i need to figure a lot of things out. a lot. |
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| you're it |
[Feb. 25th, 2007|09:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  allergies are acting up | ] |
Tagged by:
wistful0
"List seven songs you are into right now, no matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your Live Journal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to."
1. Queen - Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy
2. Jamiroquai - Feels Just Like It Should
3. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Y Control (Faint Remix)
4. Classic Case - Into A Nightmare
5. Deftones - Cherry Waves
6. Gnarls Barkley - Go Go Gadget Gospel
7. White Rose Movement - Love Is A Number
Tagging:
life_imitation
hollymcjoggily
kschad523
may_gun
older_gents
kill_rowemance
danimal2k3
yeah, i don't know how to "tag" people so let's just pretend i did it right. |
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| ugh.. |
[Feb. 24th, 2007|08:15 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
I've decided I just care too much about people. It's soooo frustrating feeling like it's not returned.
I do so much for people, not to receive anything in return, but just because I enjoy making the people I care about happy. I don't expect anything, no acts of kindness in return... but it would be nice to feel like I mean as much to someone as they mean to me.
I'm seriously just starting to doubt people's character and see more and more of their selfishness. I really am starting to feel like most people in this world pretend to be nice on the exterior, but are really just users on the interior, preying on people who are kind till they can get what they want out of it and then drop you like a bad habit.
I know who my good friends are and the people who really care and have always treated me kindly. Perhaps I should stop finding new people to give a shit about and only give a shit about myself and those A+ veteran friends of mine.
Tonight was a super strange night. |
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| how 'bout that |
[Feb. 6th, 2007|11:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | unwed sailor - at peace with the forest | ] |
i leave for california in exactly one week.
i'm so excited.
i've never been before.
and of course getting to see my boyfriend is an added bonus.
things have been crazy lately.
i've found myself more confused than i ever thought i could be about some things.
it's weird when you start to second guess things you always thought you wanted.
i'm sure it's just jitters.
or distance.
or all of the above.
who knows.
i'm not too worried about it though.
everything will work itself out.
i firmly believe that.
i have a lay over in minneapolis the 13th.
it's super early and only for like an hour and a half.
but if anyone will be awake and near the airport at 7:29am i would love to see you.
i miss the mpls friends.
and will hopefully be able to come visit soon.
working out the financial issues of it all.
but i think all that will be stabilized soon as well.
other than that.. things have been really great.
it's been nice having a friend i actually hang out with.
it's really helped me not be so sad about adrian being gone.
i am starting to feel a bit more settled and like myself.
which is very good.
go here...
www.myspace.com/sethsounds
he is amazing. and even moreso live. he does all his own vocals, pianos, harmonies, beatboxing, etc. very talented guy. |
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